So it has taken me a while to warm up to the idea, because there is so much inflammatory stuff written while I was ill.
However, in order to get to the heart of my illness of Schizophrenia, it’s important to copy in as much of my notes in as possible from when I fell ill. I will take personal items out, such as my name, etc.
So as a way of getting in material about my Schizophrenia, I’ll be copying in the notes I wrote while I fell ill during my fourth episode of illness, which started on the 14th of June 2017, and ended on about the 6th of November 2017.
Hopefully, this will be a behind the curtains look into the mind of Schizophrenia. The best way I could describe it, is that it is like dreaming, except you are doing it awake, and everything that goes on around you can feed into the ‘waking dreams’ you have during your Schizophrenia. I’m hoping this can help lessen the mysteries of Schizophrenia in ways I might not even be able to fathom as of yet, as any information can lead to breakthroughs that can lessen Schizophrenia, whether that is with regards to stigma, or with regards to cures for Schizophrenia.
One thing to note is that the most prominent symptom I have that affects me during my illness are Thought Insertions. These are like hearing your own thoughts – except the thoughts seem to be coming from somewhere else originally and from different people. You can talk back to these thought insertions using your own thoughts, but they can be extremely abusive – one word in particular that is the worst for me is the word ‘Paedophile’, which is hard for me to stomach when I love children. You try to avoid these thought insertions and others, but they keep coming at you, constantly and incessantly – and the OCD of trying to avoid it makes it come even more frequently.
I don’t hear voices or what are called auditory hallucinations, however the Thought Insertions more than make up for the absence of auditory hallucinations or visual hallucinations.
So please find in the next post the start of my notes that I wrote while I was ill last year in 2017.